Episode Two – The Apocalypse Cometh – The prequel

Yes, the title is my homage to Star Wars. Not the new one but the original seventies version where Luke Skywalker was young. OMG.  But I digress.

I am sitting on my boat, parked in Palma Sola Bay on a lovely warm day. 

I am typing on a keyboard that has no physical connection to my tablet. The tablet has more computing power than any computer that existed when I was a lad. Of course, at that time, a computer was a person’s job title and not a physical object. It is simply extraordinary how life has changed during my brief tenure on this planet. When I stop and ponder the cosmic significance of the iPhone and the ubiquitous computer tablet, it drives me to seek out an adult beverage. I digress again. 

The purpose of this letter is to familiarize the newer members of our community with some of the amenities that exist at Palma Sola Condominium (PSH) and the nearby area. Yes JS, condominium is not plural.

I feel a need to do this before the arrival of “The Apocalypse.” I am, of course, referring to the arrival of my daughter and her son. I love these two from the bottom of my black and stinking heart. They are wonderful but I swear to God that my grandson is not a carbon based life form as we know it, but he is composed of pure energy. My mental image is of a stainless steel room into which a ping pong ball has been shot. The kid bounces from one thing to another with great rapidity. He slows down for two things. One is to fish in the canal behind my condo and the other is to swim in the clubhouse pool. 

The canal across the street is pictured here because it appears to be the favorite hangout for the local manatee population. It’s an amazing thing for me, but most kids see this canal simply as a shortcut to be passed on the way to the pool. The awe and majesty of the seaborne life cannot compare with the wonders of a swimming pool. They view the pool as a space to be filled with every noodle, inflatable object and squirt gun inventoried by Walmart (2.7 miles east on Cortez Rd.) As an aside, there are actually four ways to get to Walmart or Winn Dixie (1.4 miles east on Cortez). Walking is one way, but I am a true American so I don’t walk anywhere. Of course, you can drive or use my favorite form of transportation and bicycle. Florida was built for the bicycle. It is flatter than most pancakes. I am using flatter as an adjective, the comparative form of the word and not the verbal form as “to flatter.” This conundrum helps you appreciate how difficult it must be for someone from another culture to learn English because English is full of such craziness. Anyway, pedaling cools you off and there are sidewalks everywhere which improves the safety factor. Finally, there is a great bus route right outside the gates of PSH.  

The bus goes east and west while the wheels on the bus go round and round. The west route is pictured here and goes to Anna Maria Island (AMI). Once on AMI, you can go north and south on the free trolley. BTW, AMI is 2.3 miles west of PSH, an easy bike ride. The east route goes by Walmart, Publix and within a block of the YMCA (2.4 miles). Next, I am going to show a picture of a real library. We have one at the PSH clubhouse and it contains lots of paper books and magazines and yes, once upon a time books were a physical thing made of paper. Amazing, isn’t it?

The bottom rows contain DVD movies. These exist so grandparents can nap while kids recover their energy supply. The hand is Marge’s. Say hi to Marge. What is cool is that the library is next to the Man Cave. I know, I’m not allowed to refer to it as a Man Cave so I’ll refer to it as a mail room and no, that doesn’t sound better, but it once again proves my point that the English language is nuts. Not nuts, the plural form of the plant based fruit and not the hexagonal threaded fastener but the crazy thing. The adjective form.  

The clubhouse also contains a gymnasium. ‘Nuff said. 

The gymnasium overlooks the tennis courts, the shuffleboard area and the pool. I should also mention that the clubhouse has an amazing wood shop. The shop is not made of wood but contains tools of every description. Personally, I only know how to use a hammer so all the other tools just look like nails to me.  Sorry.

By the pool is the ice machine. 

Fortunately, Blake hospital is only 2.5 miles away so “The Apocalypse” can get speedy medical care. When the apocalypse has passed, then I’ll be able to return to my favorite PSH pastime.

Good Night….

Silence Dogood

PS. I asked my teenage granddaughter if it was okay to refer to her brother as “The Apocalypse”. After she removed her earplugs, she shrugged and said “Whatever.” 

Life is wonderful 💕